As the new year approaches I feel the need to make a list of all of the desires of my heart. Everything I want this year, the person I want to become, and all of the far-out goals I so eagerly and nonchalantly say here and there. If I’m being honest with you, by the end of the year, sometimes earlier, I realize I accomplished almost none of what I had on the list. Just for laughs and being able to look back on this next year…heres that list.
- win state for all four track events (track is my favorite sport)
- run for class president/ASB president ( I love my school and the people in it)
- find something in my youth group I can be apart of on a consistent basis. (I want to be useful).
- get a job (=money)
- find a new place to volunteer (retirement home)
- pick your college
- get a car (that tin can ain’t reliable)
- get as many scholarships as you can (we all know thats the only way you’re going to be able to go)
- get a 4.0
- take SAT
Looking at this, I am nothing short of overwhelmed.
Don’t get me wrong, these things are very important to me, they REALLY are. I have made the decision not to make these things my new years resolutions however. I want to grow up this year. Not that I don’t think I am maturing already, but I want to mature in ALL aspects of my life. These are the things I’ll be praying for these next 365 days.
God hasn’t been a priority lately. I’ve mostly been focused on benefiting myself. How would doing this thing help me in this moment? I want God to be what people identify me with. Day by day, I want my friendship with Him to be ever-growing. I know this ain’t an easy task ahead, it requires SELF CONTROL. Making time for Him starts today. I think that if I conquer this task, everything else I want to achieve this upcoming year will fall into place. I am choosing not to worry or stress over the material, worldly things that I desire. God is in control.
I want a friend. A REAL friend. Someone who knows how to be one, and is loyal. I’ve never had a best friend. Even though I get along with everyone, at the end of the day, I feel alone. My ideal friend is someone who is ten times as weird as I am, a Jesus FREAK, a selfless, kind, loving empathetic being. The term loyal is very important to me. I had an unequally yoked friend for about a year and a half, closest thing I had to a best friend, but not really. One day she just decided she was done with me and never talked to me again. She left me within a week. I want a friend who cares just as much as I do. I am a loyal person who once I find someone I really love and care for, I show them I care. I want someone here on this earth to do things with. No not a boyfriend just yet. I need a venting buddy. Someone I can cry to and feel important around. Someone to get coffee with and read the Bible together. This is a lot to ask, but I ultimately just need someone as perfectly imperfect and undeserving as me.
I want confidence in my own abilities at this stage of my life. With this, I need just as much humility to go along with it. At times, I am scared to be successful. I don’t want attention, or people assuming I’m too good for things. I’M NOT I PROMISE. Like one of my coaches once told me, “don’t be afraid to be the best. Not saying I am the best, but often times I feel like its not okay to be outwardly confident in front of people. Something I’ve learned is you don’t have to be cocky to be confident. I’ve just got the wrong message from kids my age who don’t know what the word humility means. Through my actions, maybe I could politely show them.
Lastly, I want peace in my life. Being able to let go of past mistakes or memories can be very hard for Emma Lee. I need God’s help to help me focus on my future and what He’s doing RIGHT NOW in my life. I easily get stressed or anxious about every.little.thing. If I said something right, making sure EVERYONE around me likes me. (Ain’t gonna happen, just give up), responsibilities (lots of them) and too many more. From my experience, when I’m closest to God, I feel most comforted. Thus, leading me back to my first point about how I want God to be my first priority. He gives peace, and thats what we’re all searching for, aren’t we?
This year is going to be the best one yet. I am making that decision here today, and am going in with the openest mind I’ve ever had. Why? God will be right there going through things with me.